SINthia Sucks As A Mom

Preface: The following is a true fish story ~ about a snake no less. It’s also about how little boys thrive on the same adventure that has been known to kill even the toughest mothers.

I regret I didn’t have a camera the day this story took place. (It would have been trampled, anyway.) However, this picture is an earlier one of the boy, the infamous Red Ryder BB gun, and the smallest snake he has ever killed to date. (In shell, not on the hoof, then dug out for picture.) Nice!

To heck with snips and snails…let’s go head long into the snake pit with this six year old veteran snake hunter…

Ya’ll know I love to fish. I mean I love to fish. I must come by it honestly, while I was on my yearly mother’s day fishing trip, my brother, Knothead, was taking my mom fishing for walleye in Nebraska. They caught their limit. Did I mention it was raining? She had a ball. 

In a lake, on a dam, in a river near a clam, I love to fish Sam I am.

Nothing. Few things keep me from fishing. If the weather is nice, I’m going fishing. If my ‘to do’ list is long, I’m gone fishing. If it hare-lips the queen, I’m getting my hook wet. So when Ben came in yesterday and asked if I wanted to go fishing, I was already loaded and honking before he got the words out of his mouth. Who needs clean underwear anyway? Right?

W missed this trip, but Barney was there with BB Gun in hand. He likes to shoot then fish then shoot then fish. Turns out I’m glad he had his Red Ryder….

I was fishing the dam where the grass is tall and the snakes lay in wait.  Barney was hot on my heels as my eyes watched for snakes. It was then, I took the Lord’s name in vain. Real LOUD. “OHMYGOOOOOD, THERE’S A SNAAAAAKE.” (Oh Lord, I do apologize.)

Now, people, I can identify most snakes in this area. I could tell right away this one was a  harmless Northern Water Snake about three foot long and probably 6-8 inches around. Just because I can identify them, doesn’t mean they’re welcome to go fishing with me. Aunt Kate used to call me a fishing whore, cause I would fish with anyone. But, even I have my limits.

Barney, who lives for adventure, stepped around me and stood between me and the snake with his BB gun pointed at the snake’s head (about 4 feet away from us.) He was giggling and said, “It’s okay Mom. I’ve got ‘em, Mom. I’VE GOT ‘EM.” Then he pulled the trigger, shot the snake right in the Eye. In the dad-gum eye.  (Name that movie.)

Just for future reference…Red Ryder BB guns just piss most snakes off. This snake was no different. In fact, he charged us.

I hollered, ran backwards, and hollered “OH GOD, SHOOT ‘EM AGAIN.” (Again. I apologize.) Then I think I may have peed a little bit as I watched Barney (still in front of me) shoot the snake again. The second shot turned him back toward the pond where he took off swimming into deep water.

Barney commenced to emptying his BB gun into the snake until the snake was so tired of swimming and tired of being shot at, he decided to charge back to the shore, and brave whatever else this six year old had for him. By that time Barney was nearly out of BBs and Ben had contained some of his laughter, but the tear streaks were still on his checks when he pulled the trigger on his my six shooter, Elvis, to finish the snake off.

‘And the good Lord done called the poor thing home.’

Mason turned to me and said, “Dang, I thought he was gonna get us, when he charged. Aren’t ya glad I’m here to brotect you, Mom?”

What I want to know is…

What kind of mother lets her six year old son step in between her and a charging snake as long as he is?

All I can say is…

It had to be SINthia.

She sucks as a mom.

Simply,

Sandhill Sis

Tags: evil twin, fishing, funny, gone fishing, killing snakes, persona, SINthia, snake story