I prayed for boys. God granted us two, healthy ones. They are as different as night and day. But you already knew that, I explained their differences here. I grew up with a Dad and a couple of brothers too, even married a Marine. It seems where ever I go, I surround myself with manly guys who aren’t afraid to get their hands dirty, have a cold beer if the mood strikes them and slap their gal on the butt when she walks by. Regardless of all that rough and tumble, they all have tender sides, places in them where they hold the love of their country (and their mama), beautiful sunrises and babies (0f any kind) close to their heart. I love that.
Knowing this, it seems I would better understand them, right? Nothing should shock me. Why then when Barney starts telling survivor man stories to the eye doctor do I get nervous? It happened yesterday. We were gearing up for school and our sweet eye doctor was questioning the kids about their summer. The kids explained our vacation to the Black Hills of South Dakota, Worlds of Fun, and a Royals game with their cousins in Kansas City topped their list of good times this summer.
Then Barney, being Barney, starts in about the opossum they had trapped the night before. Barney has a habit of, lets say embellishing his stories, to make them more interesting. I don’t know where he gets it. Anyway, he started in from the beginning and amazingly didn’t hardly embellish anything on this story.
“…and so we took an old hamburger and two tomatoes out of the garden and set the live trap over by the cedar trees. Then we went to bed and in the morning it was raining and when we looked out the window we saw something in the trap…”
(Doc) “Oh, cool, what was it?”
(Barney) “A ‘possum! So W grabbed his BB gun and I grabbed a stick and he started shooting the possum and I started poking it until it was dead.”
(Me) Honey, we don’t need to tell the whole story. We need to finish getting our eyes…
(Barney)”Yeah we do. (Barney looking over his glasses at the Doctor to make his point.) Anyway. We thought the ‘possum was dead, so I moved the cage out into the yard and he tried to BITE ME. *giggles* So I went and told W and Dad he really wasn’t dead, just a good actor. AND you know what was in the bottom of the cage?”
*Barney looking at me over his glasses* That means, oh crap, he’s going to say something “inappropriate” to make his story better. Usually a four letter word.
Thank God, W was there to rescue me and say. “Well, well, well, now, Barney, it was SCAT. Scat, was in the bottom of the cage.”
Whew! It was a four letter word, but also a good save. Kudos– W.
(Barney, now frustrated because he didn’t get to say HIS four-letter-word, continues…) So Dad got Mom’s .22, Elvis, and we took him over by the burn pile to turn him loose…”
By this time the doctor was shaking violently, W was listening carefully to make sure a the details were correct and I was getting out my sword to fall on it.
(Mom) “And we all lived happily ever after…”
(Barney) “No we didn’t. …and when Dad was walking the ‘possum was biting at his leg through the cage. *more giggles* And when we got out to the burn pile, he threw open the gate and the ‘possum took off and Dad had to shoot like a cowboy action shooter. Pow. Pow. Pow. Pow. Pow. Pow. Because the ‘possum was FA-AST.”
I was feeling a little ill. I felt like I needed to explain my parenting skills to this wonderful lady. But then, after that, where would one start?
After said doctor got done wiping her eyes she said out of empathy, “It’s okay. I have a boy. I love it.”
Much to her credit she didn’t turn to Barney and said, “So, is that the only thing you’ve trapped?”
Otherwise, she would have probably had to bill us for another office visit to hear the tale of when W tried to trap the tooth fairy, the pack-rat killin’ turned coon hunt, and other memorable family outings.
Instead she said, “I bet it’s never boring at your house.”
Ya think?
Some days, I can’t believe I prayed for this.
Simply,
Sis
Tags: boys will be boys, man's man, opossums, raising boys, trapping animals
Wow he is already telling fish stories, he is gonna give you heck.
That Barney is such an unforgettable character. He just gets with it and lets people know all about him, strangers or not. I love it.
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